he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
