i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
