I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
