He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
