First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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