I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
