I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
