3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
