these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
