i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
