Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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