I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
