put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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