Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
