But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
