I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
