You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
