Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
