You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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