I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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