my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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