"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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