I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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