I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
