You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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