i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
