sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
