i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
