So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Houston, we have a blender
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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