She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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