Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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