guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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