No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
