Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
