I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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