The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
