just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
