I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
