Barsexuality is the new black.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
