do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
