He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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