He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
