he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
