Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
