11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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