The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He shit in the fireplace
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
