I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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