I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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