I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
