Will you blow on my dice?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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