and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
