forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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