My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
did i just pee glitter
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
