FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
