return my video game
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
