I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
