sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
