I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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