Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
