If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
