Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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