Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
