Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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