Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
