And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
