Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
