Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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