so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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