alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
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Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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