Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
