someone owes me an orgasm
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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