you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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