the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
